there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
