You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
