so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
