I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
