just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
