it hurts more in the daytime
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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