2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
