i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
