You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
