Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
