I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She announced her abortion via fbk
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
