I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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