I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
