i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
