Pappa wants mamma naked
I wish I only lived at night.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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