I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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