Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I pour the whiskey from now on
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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