OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
