11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
