Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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