Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
