Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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