it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
