Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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