No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
