You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
