the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
