I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
