Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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