I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
