That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
