oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
wow bdsm is so cute
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
