I should be sponsored by Trojan
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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