So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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