Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
