Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
