I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
