Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
