Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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