do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
