So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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