Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
