you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
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