he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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