Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
