We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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