Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
