Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
