Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
