I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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