In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
