is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
