hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
