yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
