I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
