I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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