i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
