Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
