nut hugger
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
